just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
