Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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