How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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