So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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