Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
