She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
