If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
