i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
