"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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