We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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