I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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