this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
