so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
