I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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