tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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