I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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