This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
