hotel room ftw
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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