The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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