if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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