He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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