only if we run a train.
done.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
