He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got inside last night via doggy door
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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