We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
