Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
