last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
