Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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