make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
