You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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