he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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