remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
