I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
