Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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