It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
