This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
