So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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