Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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