i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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