Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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