i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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