2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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