Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
