Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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