I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
