I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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