Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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