i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
