More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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