Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
