just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Send help, water and tortillas.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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