i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Boobs are out for the taking
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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