I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Randomize
