Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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