You work out of a Hotel?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.