yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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