did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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