we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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