There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
