Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He has the fingertips of a God
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