there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
